In the summer of 2022 I wrote in my goals journal the qualities of an ideal woman that I wanted to find. She would be happy to go to certain festivals with me: this would mean that she was into Black Metal, other related extreme metal and folk, plus she wouldn’t be averse to camping. She would be a cat person as, whilst, as I do like dogs, I find dog people to often have different priorities than me (and sometimes kinks). She would be a non-smoker/vaper and not a recreational drug user and would not drink too much or may even be teetotal. She would be vegan and green: a fanatical meat eater, a frequent flyer or a frequent shopper would not fit. She would be someone that I find attractive – giving a lot of scope there. She would be willing to do things that are active, so would be reasonably fit and up for trying different activities. She would enjoy different cultural activities such as museums, art galleries, performances, etc. She would be keen to learn and improve skills.
I haven’t met anyone yet that ticks all of those boxes, however I have met some that are close enough for me to be interested. Sadly they all seem to be involved with someone else, live miles away, are lesbian, not interested in older men, or any combination of these.
The majority of women, or even people in general, that I meet at gigs and festivals, are much younger than me. That’s not generally a problem as I socialise with everyone but it does make it awkward when trying to work out whether I could make a play for someone – would they be interested or would their view of me change from friendly older guy to creepy older guy, or would they just brush it off. The Morris crowd that I have met in the last year are closer to my age but seem to be all coupled up. I have started random conversations in pubs and at other events, which never seem to go anywhere.
Online, things are no better. Tinder is drying up, with more and more profiles being fake, with the few real people who take the chance to like me being unattractive to me, either physically, mindset-wise or culturally. I have started conversations with a few women on the veggie/vegan sites and a music one but they seem to peter out or we find that we are culturally incompatible. A female friend suggested that I approach on Instagram but that is very creepy and quite a few of the women that I follow – musicians, artists, writers, models, etc. – complain about the messages and comments that they get, so I will not add to that. Then again, maybe I should get out of the comfort zone of being “nice.”
I had started talking to someone roughly my own age on Veggly in the past week. She looked alt enough in her dress but she bailed before we meet up after having “a change of mind.” It would have been nice to know exactly why but I get the feeling my music tastes apparent in my dress on my profile does scare women off. That’s deliberate as I am looking for someone compatible – my cultural identity is unlikely to change.
So, where do I go from here? I am quite happy chatting with many people I meet, including attractive women but don’t see a way ahead. Any ideas?