In the past I have set up accounts again and again on Tinder, Match, Bumble, OKCupid and Veggly. From all of those I got a few Tinder dates, one on Match and one from Bumble. Most were coffee shop or pub dates with women a few years older or younger than me, including one of the ones from Tinder. It was few years ago, when lockdown was being opened and we arranged an outdoor date. It was a strange one, we picked somewhere halfway between us, I suggested Arundel, she suggested a beach with a cafe near there so we went for that. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have ignored the online reviews of the place and insisted on somewhere further inland. The beach was tatty, the cafe closed early. The date didn’t quite work out, we chatted a lot, found several things in common but decided we would just be friends. After that I deleted the Tinder, Bumble and OKCupid accounts having swiped left up as far as North London on them. I kept holding out for a vegan match.
Like a failing addict, I have returned to some of these accounts since. I try not to spend too much time on them and if I do, or I get really frustrated with them, I delete them again.
Meeting potential partners in real life isn’t always easy and with my age it’s getting more difficult. For a lot of my life I was shy of chatting up women: I can count on my fingers the number of women that I have actually asked out face to face, over the phone (pre-WWW) or by text (one, in translated Norwegian). None said yes. None of my girlfriends were women that I asked out directly. As I got older and more confident, it seemed that I was trying to hit it off with women who were in relationships, lesbian, not interested in a relationship, not interested in me, much younger or any combination of those.
As I have got older my tastes have changed, in music, in lifestyle and in the type of women I find attractive. I don’t have an ideal woman but there are limits to what I find attractive either in looks, personality or attitude. I have more red flags now – smoking; obesity; constant shoppers; deists; dog lovers (in both senses); couch potatoes; frequent flyers and other environmental vandals; those looking for a husband not a relationship; golddiggers; high maintenance. As the meme goes, I’m not looking for a princess who needs saving, I’m looking for a queen to fight by my side. Who does that leave?
Someone I find attractive both physically and mentally.
- Age: older or younger, it’s more about attitude and maturity. My dates recently have been with women from their early 40s to late 60s. The biggest age difference with a girlfriend was 16 years younger than me when I was 50: next was 15 years younger when I was 36.
- Height: I’m 1m68, too short for many, that’s their choice; for me I don’t mind taller or shorter, not too crazily different but…
- Body: fit enough to keep doing active things.
- Looks: they aren’t going to scare me when I awake in the morning.
- Mind: someone I can talk intelligently with; someone who wants to keep learning; someone who can communicate clearly and directly.
- Morals: have an environmental and a social conscience.
- Hair: yes. Or no: I fancied Servalan from Blakes 7 and Grace Jones. Redheads get bonus points.
- Race: human.
- Diet: preferably vegan, although I could date an omnivore who wasn’t fanatical about eating meat.
- Drinking: socially or not at all, I’m past the stage where I enjoy getting drunk for the sake of it.
- Drugs: NO. Not even weed.
- Dress/style: metaller, goth, alt or smart without being too fashion crazy.
- Music tastes: Black Metal. Others: folk, singer-songwriter, metal, heavy metal, prog, ska, classical, punk, electronic, pop, reggae, industrial/EBM, goth, baroque…