Dating in 2020 (part 2)

OK, since my last post about dating I set up accounts again on Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid and Veggly. From all of those I got a Tinder date with someone a few years older than me. It was a strange one, we picked somewhere halfway between us, I suggested Arundel, she suggested a beach with a cafe near there so we went for that. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have ignored the online reviews of the place and insisted on somewhere further inland. The beach was tatty, the cafe closed early. The date didn’t quite work out, we chatted a lot, found several things in common but decided we would just be friends. After that I deleted the Tinder, Bumble and OKCupid accounts having swiped left up as far as North London on them. I am holding out for a vegan match.

Meeting potential partners in real life isn’t always easy and with Covid-19 and my age it’s getting more difficult. For a lot of my life I was shy of chatting up women: I can count on my fingers the number of women that I have actually asked out face to face, over the phone (pre-WWW) or by text (one, in translated Norwegian). None said yes. As I got older and more confident, it seemed that I was trying to hit it off with women who were in relationships, lesbian, not interested in a relationship, not interested in me, much younger or any combination of those. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t had girlfriends.

As I have got older my tastes have changed, in music, in lifestyle and in the type of women I find attractive. I don’t have an ideal woman but there are limits to what I find attractive either in looks, personality or attitude. I have more red flags now – smoking, obesity, shoppers, deists, dog lovers, couch potatoes, frequent flyers and other environmental vandals, those looking for a husband not a relationship, golddiggers, high maintenance. As the meme goes, I’m not looking for a princess who needs saving, I’m looking for a queen to fight by my side. Who does that leave?

Someone I find attractive both physically and mentally.

  • Age: older or younger, it’s more about attitude and maturity. My dates recently have been with women from their early 40s to late 60s. The biggest age difference with a girlfriend was 16 years younger than me when I was 50: next was 15 years younger when I was 36.
  • Height: I’m 1m68, too short for many, that’s their choice; for me taller or shorter, not too crazily different but…
  • Body: fit enough to keep doing active things.
  • Looks: they aren’t going to scare me when I awake in the morning.
  • Mind: someone I can talk intelligently with; someone who wants to keep learning; someone who can communicate clearly and directly.
  • Morals: have an environmental and a social conscience.
  • Hair: yes. Or no: I fancied Servalan from Blakes 7 and Grace Jones.
  • Race: human.
  • Diet: preferably vegan, although I could date an omnivore who wasn’t fanatical about it.
  • Drinking: socially or not at all, I’m past the stage where I enjoy getting drunk for the sake of it.
  • Drugs: NO. Not even weed.
  • Dress/style: metaller, goth, alt or smart without being too fashion crazy.
  • Music tastes: Black Metal. Others: folk, singer-songwriter, metal, heavy metal, prog, ska, classical, punk, electronic, pop, reggae, industrial/EBM, goth, baroque…